I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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