What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
