wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
