You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
