before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
