yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
