I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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