Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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