Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
