my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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