If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
