i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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