I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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