if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
