It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
