So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
