There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
