Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just google imaged poop.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
