I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
