Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
