Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize