i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
