dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
