final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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