Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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