so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We were destined to go to rehab together
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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