WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
