I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
