so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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