So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize