I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
