I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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