I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
