the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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