We're like a lot better than the average bears
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
