just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
