The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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