did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
