I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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