one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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