Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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