she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
