TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
