You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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