I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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