The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
