is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
