He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
