Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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