OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
