..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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