thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
