Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
