Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize