Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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