do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
