she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
