Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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