I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
