Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
