he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
