So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
