"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
