At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
