Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
