I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
