I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
