You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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