took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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