I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
