You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
