So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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