you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He has the fingertips of a God
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
