This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
