This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
