Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
