Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize