She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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