babies were throwing up all over the place
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
