It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
